Wisdom is a precious thing to achieve. And unfortunately, money cannot guarantee it. We all have been at a stage where we felt guilty about a scenario despite doing nothing wrong. In some cases, no matter how evidently we have done everything right, we would still be harsh on ourselves. We would even cry, obsess about the problem. It feels as if we have done a terrible thing.
There could be many situations where you can suffer from this mental problem, but there are usually 3 reasons why we tend to feel guilty, even if we haven’t done anything wrong. Those three are 1) Accepting the blame when not needed 2) Being too harsh on ourselves 3) Having a low self-image
In this article, we will explain the above three factors in detail and how you can deal with them and be free of the guilt; the guilt of a mistake that you haven’t committed.
Accepting the blame when not needed so as to avoid confrontation and argument
Sometimes, it is wise to stay quiet and let the anger subside of both the parties before you can state your point. However, at other times, if someone is adamant about putting the blame onto you, then you do need to put your point forth in an of course respectful way. Take a look at the below conversation between John and Rachelle.
John : – We are unlikely to reach our friend’s ceremony on time.
Rachelle: – But we did everything right we could have done. We left at 11 a.m. as planned. The traffic is too much today.
John: – You could have gone to the parlor yesterday than today. We then could have left much earlier and avoided the traffic.
Rachelle: – But we didn’t discussed about leaving earlier, did we? We set the time many days back and I adjusted my preparation according to that.
Rachelle feels guilty of the problem.
Now, if you look at the above conversation, both John and Rachelle decided to leave for their friend’s ceremony at 11 a.m. They already decided that time couple of days ago and left their house at the exact time. However, upon encountering traffic, John realized that if they would have left earlier, they would not have encountered the traffic. He then blames Rachelle (may be in soft and subtle way!) that they could have left earlier if she would have gone to the parlor yesterday than today itself.
Here is what Rachelle should have done. Instead of feeling guilty, she should have stated the below point and feel better
“Look, I know that we are going to be late and even I am upset too. But we did everything as planned. You prepared on time, and me too. Now both of us forgot to take the traffic into consideration, which we will do from next time. But as of now, let us just be easy on ourselves and be happy about the occasion, even if it means that we will reach a bit late than intended.”
Being too harsh on ourselves
People who set high expectations can be too harsh on themselves at times. At a given point of time, there is always a limit to what we can do and achieve. Now, our capabilities can be extended with practice and perseverance however, at a given point in time, a person cannot produce dramatic results beyond the scope of his/ her limitations. For e.g. there are people who set unrealistic goals of losing 5-10 kgs of weight in a month. If an individual wants to achieve this goal by hook or crook, it might be doable but will require tremendous hard work. Not to forget that the side effects of such drastic weight loss can be concerning. But if an individual is unable to meet this goal, they might be too harsh on themselves and very likely get depressed too.
It is important to set goals that require you to be out of your uncomfortable zone however, there is a range to set the goal. It’s ok to give ourselves a pep talk every time we underperform but trying to achieve more than our capabilities at a given point in time is very unrealistic and will make you feel guilty for no reason.
Having a low self-image
People with low self-image tend to have personalities like avoiding disagreement, agreeing with other people’s perception with their heart and mind, not able to say NO when they want to, not having enough conviction in their own opinions and etc. While it’s not suggestible and even good to become confrontational on every point, but if there is something that we disagree upon, we should have the confidence to state it, without being too disrespectful.
While it seems that there is nothing wrong when we are unable to disagree, it does impact our self -confidence. We can be respectful and still disagree completely. The other individual may not like this trait about you, but they don’t have to. If you are nice, respectful and disagree, there is nothing to feel less about yourself.
There could be tons of conversation examples that will explain why people tend to feel guilty about themselves when they have no need. We will keep on updating this article with more of them. We do hope though that you have understood how one can prevent himself/ herself from this problem.